understanding trauma

What Happens in Our Bodies and How We Can Heal

“Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” — Dr. Gabor Maté

What is Trauma?

Trauma isn’t just about “bad things happening” to us. It’s about how our nervous system responds when we face overwhelming experiences that we cannot process or integrate at the moment they occur.

When we experience something overwhelming and cannot fight or flee, our body stores that unprocessed experience. This stored energy becomes trapped in our nervous system, creating patterns that can affect us long after the event has passed.

Trauma can reshape how we see ourselves, others, and the world around us. It can change how our bodies respond to stress, how we form relationships, and even how we experience joy.

Big T vs. Small t Trauma

Big T Trauma

These are the events most people immediately recognize as traumatic:

Natural disasters
Physical or sexual assault
War experiences
Serious accidents
Sudden loss of loved ones

Big T events are often life-threatening or involve serious harm. They can create immediate, noticeable symptoms that might lead to a PTSD diagnosis.

Small t Trauma

Small t traumas are often overlooked but can be just as impactful:

Emotional neglect or invalidation
Persistent criticism or bullying
Ongoing financial insecurity
Relationship betrayals
Medical procedures or health scares
Discrimination or microaggressions

These experiences might not seem “dramatic” enough to count as trauma, but when repeated or occurring during vulnerable periods of development, they can profoundly shape our nervous system and worldview.

Important note: What determines whether something is traumatic isn’t the event itself but how our nervous system responds to it. What traumatizes one person might not affect another in the same way.

How Trauma is stored in the Body

Trauma doesn’t just live in our memories—it resides in our physical bodies. When unresolved, it can show up as:

Chronic tension or pain
Digestive issues
Sleep disturbances
Heightened startle response
Difficulty feeling present or grounded
Emotional numbness or overwhelming emotions

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk describes this phenomenon in his book title: “The Body Keeps the Score.” Our bodies literally hold onto traumatic experiences until we find ways to process and release them.

the Polyvagal Theory

Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, helps explain how our nervous system responds to safety and danger. It identifies three main states:

Ventral Vagal State (Social Engagement) – When we feel safe and connected. Our breathing is easy, our heart rate is regulated, we can think clearly, and we feel present.
Sympathetic State (Fight or Flight) – When we detect danger. Our heart races, breathing quickens, muscles tense, and we prepare to defend ourselves or escape.
Dorsal Vagal State (Freeze) – When we can’t fight or flee. Our system shuts down, we feel numb, disconnected, collapsed, or dissociated.

Trauma can cause our nervous system to get “stuck” in survival states (sympathetic or dorsal vagal), making it difficult to access feelings of safety even when no danger is present.

Why Understanding Trauma Matters

Understanding trauma as a bodily experience rather than just an emotional or mental one explains:

Why talk therapy alone isn’t always enough
Why we can be triggered by seemingly unrelated stimuli
Why logical reassurance doesn’t always help us feel safe
Why self-regulation skills are essential for healing

The Good News: Your Body Can Heal

Our bodies have an innate capacity for healing, just as they do for physical wounds. With the right support and tools, we can:

Learn to recognize our nervous system states
Develop skills to regulate our activation levels
Process trapped energy and emotions
Rebuild a sense of safety in our bodies
Reconnect with ourselves and others

Note: This post is educational and not a replacement for professional mental health support. If you’re struggling with trauma symptoms, please reach out and book a session.

Raquel Nicolau Counselling